Following your Inner Compass & Honoring your Energetic Boundaries: Reflections on turning 37

A dear, dear friend of mine has told me many times over the years, “Once you hit 37 years old, as a woman, things are just different.  In a good way.”  This month of this year I hit that golden number and dare I say I feel the sweetness of which she is referring.  What I did not anticipate was how much these shifts would deeply supply fortification for my role as a space holder & facilitator.   The older you grow, the more you realize your energy has a capacity and that honoring that capacity is your lifeline.

It feels supportive to personally reflect and also to share in the hopes that other women with similar roles in their community do not feel so alone and perhaps may draw some inspiration for boundary setting of their own.

1. You set the value on yourself and that tells people how to value your time and energy.

As someone who used to be in the “everyone will see my heart and treat me like gold for it” camp, the answer is no, they most often times will not lol.  Unfortunately we live in a highly transactional society.  When you know you have devoted your life to something, whether it is a particular skill, quality or your livelihood in general, see that and mark the value within yourself.  How you interact and engage with people will then completely reorient around this set value once it is imbued within you.  It goes without saying, but it does happen!

2. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do

This one was HUGE for me.  I finally have anchored that if something is not in alignment, we can always pivot.  There is no need to force, because that means it is not meant for you anyway.  Saying no to what is not right opens so much space for highest alignment.  Life CAN be easy!  There is no need to fear because abundance is inherent.  Release, pivot, realign.  Say no, move on.  No more fuel to the fire.  You will always be met with what you need.

3. Nobody is entitled to your energy that you are unwilling to give

As a recovering people pleaser with former blurred line boundaries, I recognize that this one initially can be a toughie.  When the code is cracked and you recognize when something is a “no”, it just feels SO GOOD to honor that after many, many times of giving beyond your means.  Try it.  It becomes a non-negotiable badge to wear.

4. Your #1 priority is you and that is best for everyone.

I tell my clients this all the time.  We need to honor ourselves first and foremost on every front, otherwise we are not sending out a clear, true message of where we are.  What is best for you is truly the best for everyone.  The world reshuffles around your needs, and everyone else’s, and divinely, magically & mysteriously, it is always woven in such a divinely perfect way.

5. What is outside of you is not yours to carry

This is for all my empaths: Every one is on their journey.  You can see so clearly where there may need to be a bridge or reconnection or whatever it is, but you do not need to make it happen.  Everyone is genuinely doing their best with what they have.  Like in the last point, the divine unfolding will take care of it.  Trust that they are in good hands.   

6. If it is not in alignment, give it no extra weight nor emotion.

It is not personal!  Don’t let it take up your energy.  It is okay to grieve if something unexpectedly flows another way of your heart’s desire; just don’t hang on to the feeling for too long.  Drink water, move your body, nourish yourself.  Everything moves on and through.  Let it begin within your vessel in this case.

7. Defined boundaries are healthy.

THIS!  I am truly learning how much more professional it feels to have clarity and move from that clarity.  People take you more seriously.  You do not need to be everyone’s friend.  You do not need to accept everyone’s business, especially if it is taking from you.  Become clear about who you are and what you represent and live from that place.  The boundaries will naturally set themselves around it.  You just need to listen and enforce.

8. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.  If it’s a hell yes, drop everything and go for it.

I am all for intuitively impulsive decisions.  I bought my handpan for $3k based on a tarot card I found while deciding and invested in a week-long retreat based on visions I had.  If you have a strong feeling, it is meant for you!!  No matter what the logic mind has to say about it.  If there is no charge, it isn’t the right timing or just not meant to be for you.  This is an old standby for me but felt an instinct to share.  It is imperative to understand and remember!

9. Giving yourself space to process and feel is essential and underutilized in a pressure-oriented system.

I have been in situations, professional and personal, that have stirred up some emotion.  Haven’t we all?  Many times over and over, even.  It is not until recently that I decided to not apply pressure to myself in responding right away in situations that stir up that feeling, but rather allow that feeling to flow and subside and become clear and THEN respond.  There is such a call for immediacy today.  There does not need to be.  You are a human.  Give it space and time.  Set the precedent on effective communication while also enjoying a clearer, more enlightened path.

10. No response is a response.

If there is not a connection, the call cannot be completed as dialed.  Have you ever applied for a job but never heard anything?  Silence is a strong message and reorienting for both parties.  It is not unkind.  It gives space for what is meant to unfold on both sides.  I used to think it was the “right thing to do” but sometimes it is kinder to not say anything at all!  As the age old saying goes, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.”  Obviously sometimes a response is mandated, but it is up to your discretion on when that is.

Wildly, this is not an exhaustive list but encapsulates the fundamental shifts that I have noticed that are now non-negotiable. The one thing I am noticing that is a common thread among all of these is that you need to have a clear relationship with your inner compass and intuition.  From there, everything roots and takes shape around you.

Have you experienced any palpable shifts, regardless of your age, in consciousness recently?  Please share in the comments below!