Academia vs Apprenticeship How I have learned what I do
There is so much emphasis placed on trainings, certifications and the science within our culture. I have gone through my fair share ~ becoming a nursing assistant, a med tech, a registered 200 hour yoga teacher, a 100 hour yin yoga teacher, an 85 hour prenatal yoga teacher, a registered nurse, a Reiki master… The knowledge is valuable, but the trainings generally leave me feeling depleted and poorer in a sense than when I began. With esotericism and the abstraction of sound, stripping it of its magic to explain its “properties” feels wrongful in my heart. Learning about the digested pulp of what sound is from the narrowed human lens is an injustice to the potency and power that sound affords. For this reason, I have chosen to receive “training” through Spirit, word-of-mouth transmission + guidance from mentors and also experiential immersions.
A little background on myself: I do not own a TV. I have not owned a television the entirety of living on my own (8 years) and even when I lived at my parents, I did not watch it. When I say I do not own a TV, I also mean that I do not stream shows as well and am very discerning about what films to take in. There has also always been a tendency to read a book if it fully engages and grabs me or I will not read at all. I especially have chosen to only read a select few poets, due to the nature of being one myself. My subconscious trajectory in all of this (there are many, but specifically relating to processing) is because I have always wanted my views, words and expressions to be purely reflective of my own journey. I have largely abstained from mass media for the sake of my own clear perspective. Obviously there is influence one way or the other, but overall it has afforded me so much time to be with what I am feeling and then put it into words or allow it to flow through me in the form of sound.
Our culture is very effective at stripping away mystery and dissecting the mystical to sterility. I have always left Western medical and science-based trainings feeling like I know less than I began. It is a very disorienting process for me, even though I became skilled at the game of tests and papers. There is so much that we do not truly know compared with the anchoring inner knowing found through esoteric apprenticeship. Hazrat Inayat Khan, mystic and author of “The Mysticism of Sound and Music” has a quote, “ Science reaches at the end what mysticism reaches at the beginning”. It is true: science sets out to prove a proposed theory based on a phenomenon that has always and already existed. The wisdom offered from the lips and felt from the sound and vibrational transmissions of my chosen mentors are embedded in my cells due to the inner knowing felt and comprehended when receiving from them. This is also in part to the trust and respect I have in their intentions and refined journeys that have spanned decades. I have always existed NEEDING to fully comprehend something on a sensory-feeling level for me to believe it and then it is always accessible to me in understanding. I’m certain it is like this for everyone, really. Spirit and source energy, which is the birthplace of Sound, is infinite and boundless. Western science exists to strip down these magnificent forces, without regard to Spirit, and make what is boundless and infinite, strapped and condensed in order “to explain” it. Without regard to Spirit, Science is an incomplete, demystified process of explanation. I am not anti-science; I am pro-spirit and feel there is a way to integrate the two. As the timeless Epigram of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis goes: “The mediator between head and hands must be the heart!” There needs to be a bridge between the tangible and intangible in order for there to be true understanding.
The single greatest teacher I have had on this journey is deep listening. I recently began attending Quaker meeting weekly to fine-tune this muscle and step into the silence. It is incredible to witness the multitude of subtle layers found within silence when meeting for devotion of Spirit. This is a skill that was deeply set-in after a 10-day gong immersion camp at the end of 2022 with this certain Mitch Nur I have previously mentioned in the room where I received my first gongbath 10 years prior. This immersion had no tests. All it required was your presence and passion, which clearly filled the room. I will never forget coming home after being away for the 10 days and feeling my response time had slowed after being in a room filled with 20+ gongs, this incredible portal of an instrument influencing my bodily sense of time. Learning techniques was certainly enriching to the depth and aesthetic of my playing, but overall being with the gong and listening deeply to how and where I play has really expanded the horizons of the soundscape I am able to curate in a sitting. Some of my other greatest teachers are listening in nature and of course some of the many beautiful ambient musicians out there. Otherwise, I am entirely self-taught with how I play my instruments. Really, it is an ever-blooming relationship between myself, Spirit + the instrument in an interplay with the energies of the room or scenario for which I am playing. It is without a doubt the highest frequency of “training” I have ever personally undergone. That said, I am looking forward to the potentiality of receiving a wide range of esoteric teachings through reading, listening to lectures of the current sound masters and practicum through 9 Ways Academia led by Mitch Nur in the coming year.
Science is an incredible tool in modern times. My heart simply cannot allow it to disembowel what is far beyond the explicable: vibration, energy and sound. I cannot be more grateful to have had my previous trainings as reference to what is not aligned with my path. Leaving academic settings has been the most empowering choice for me. Now I listen deeply, feel and understand authentically without being told. It is a deep inner knowing that we all have and that cannot be taken away.
How Bedside Nursing informs my Sound Immersion facilitation
Once a nurse, always a nurse. When you are one, you hear this all the time and it really is true. There are obviously reasons why I became a nurse, left nursing and then transitioned into my most authentic role of giving rest to the nervous system through sound immersion. I’ve considered titling myself a “rest specialist” or “rest facilitator”; but, alas this is not fully comprehensive. It is exciting and relieving to share in what ways bedside nursing translates into my current role offering sound.
Illness stems from Spirit and lands lastly in physical manifestation. This is something I have witnessed and spoken to since I was a nurse aid over 10 years ago. Whenever I would receive report as a registered nurse and look at all the numbers and data to the case of the individual, it never tied fully together until I walked into the room and felt the energy of the patient. What is more-or-less exempt from nursing school is how often an effectual nurse needs to interpret the silent and subtle cues from his/her patient. This is largely how I formulated my personal nursing care model with no help from any guide but Spirit. It isn’t a surprise, as Robin Wall Kimmerer, author of Braiding Sweetgrass indicates so eloquently and earth-shatteringly: Spirit is null and void to Western Science when it is the majority of what is. It is so evident and palpable from where the direction the dis-ease landed, be it emotional, mental or spiritual, when you are in the presence of the patient. In nursing, there are many regulations limiting what you are able to share beyond describing the pharmaceutical medications you are administering or post-op restrictions, which is very disempowering to so many that are attuned to the truth of the whole picture of the person and holistic lifestyle awareness shifting and (gasp!) eradicating illness. This is probably why nurses everywhere in the Western medical model, at least in the states, are prohibited from speaking far beyond the immediate script we are enforced to follow. That was a tangent and probably one of the many significant reasons I left nursing, but all to say sickness does not appear without first breaching the Spirit of a person. Since speaking of this to so many after I could pinpoint and verbalize it, I learned that it is a major tenet to Traditional Chinese Medicine, an ancient intuitive medical model. Imagine that! What most intangibly influences and connects with ether and spirit? That with which we are made: Intentional Loving Energy and Vibration aka Sound Immersion! I have repeatedly expressed how Intentional Sound is the most potent, immediate, effective and very low-to-no side effect “medicine” I have ever administered. Routine soundbaths provide lasting, effortless change and accumulative, deepening benefits. Think of it in terms of the two forms of frequencies: dissonant (chaotic and fracturing such as construction and traffic noise or, dare-I-say, beeping of IV pumps, call lights and rushed medical professional voices) and coherent (a flowing stream, chirping birds, the tonality of gong resonance). Coherent frequencies build-up and allow for reconnection in the nervous system through being able to dive into a deep parasympathetic state. In an over-burdened,taxing world, rebalancing the nervous system, which innervates every other bodily system, is POTENT. We are meant to exist inherently in parasympathetic states and then respond in fight-or-flight. Our society lives in the opposite. Transitioning from nursing where I was essentially administering what I personally deem to be externalized, ineffective bandaids to people that are so deeply entrenched in the system that they believe they need pills and will not change any aspects of their lifestyles to orchestrating peaceful sound immersion to soothe the spirit of the conscious recipient looking to return to a natural, harmonious state and optimize their overall wellness is a huge sigh of relief to say the least. The recipients that are open, receptive and in trust of my “care” are the ones that receive the deepest impact from the sound immersion which leads me to my next observation.
Rapport is another huge piece of bedside nursing that also exists immensely within sound facilitation. You are only able to go so far with a patient, or living human, as much as they trust and respect your competence, insight and personal investment into their wellbeing. This relationship deepens the more you show your patient that you have their back and best interests at heart through advocacy and consistency of word and action. The same is true for a soundbath recipient, especially in a private setting. It is so vulnerable to shut out the sense of sight by wearing an eye pillow or closing your eyes and to totally disengage on every level which happens almost effortlessly while receiving a private session ~ when you trust your practitioner. The more I develop a trusting relationship with my routine private soundbath recipients, I notice the more refined the sessions become and the more the recipient effortlessly dips into that rest and digest state, reaping deeper and deeper subconscious repair and rewards. Realistically, a person is unable to truly tune in, return to wellness and clear what is not serving without feeling safe and comfortable in one’s immediate surroundings and in trust of those under one’s care. It is a position I take with total seriousness and awareness. The deepening of the relationship with the recipient also stems from the gift/skill I have sharpened of being able to read the energy being presented that day, which enters into a whole other realm.
“Reading the room” is akin to deep listening and recognizing what is beneficial and what is not to say or do for a patient, a private sound bath recipient or a public group sound session. In a broader sense with group sound sessions, my ability to “read the room,” which I mentioned previously about first meeting a patient at the bedside, comes into play. This is something that I enjoy immensely because it leans heavily into the mystical, making it very hard to put into words and verbal explanation. This brings into Light how nuns and the religious devout were previously the majority if not only nurses of the world. Once when I was the nurse for a former nun (whom left her convent due to abuse of the children at the school where she worked, very sadly, yet feels very directly akin to my situation), we discussed how nuns are meant to be pure conduits and beacons of God, wherein his, her, their Light may shine through the sister directly onto the patient in every facet and lens of their healing. Nursing was always a form of spiritual practice to me, an opportunity to put into action the wise, age-old teachings through a pure-hearted channel. Speaking to this fellow sister who has devoted her life to highest intention brought me into full awareness of how I viewed myself as a spirited nun of sorts, removed and detached from the person and outcome (as much as humanly possible, of course), yet optimizing my care for them, no matter their background and what would be my personal opinion of it. This way of being in the light and eyes of providing goodness for all is a way in which one “reads the room” by stepping into source consciousness, higher power awareness, whatever you want to call it and allowing one’s actions to be informed from that lens. This lens is one that makes your efforts and movements almost dreamily automatic without any analytical thought from one moment to the next. All is happening at once in one fluid motion, just as in nature and just as in everything that is channeled through the stream. This is also where the interpretation and response of silent, subtle cues arises. From this place is where every soundbath I have ever given has originated. Same goes for my patient care, albeit fragmented in this scenario from the botched current course of the healthcare system.
In reality, nursing is meant to provide a comfortable, safe, warm bed for one who is weary to restore and remember their wholeness and with loving guidance, returning back to whole health. The truth sadly is the role of the nurse has been devastatingly desecrated to satisfy the needs of insurance and pharmaceutical companies while working under duress of chronic understaffing and high demands. Hospitals are businesses and no longer safe havens for those in dis-ease. Being able to remember the ancient roots of nursing in the form of administering soothing sounds in an infinitely more conscious, preventative, calming and sustaining way has provided for my own deep nourishment. It is my honor to be able to morph my gifts and skills that are innate and also learnt through nursing into a means of providing deep, genuine and supportive restoration during such a demanding phase in human history to so many beautiful souls, also remembering how life is meant to be: enjoyed in freedom of health and happiness.
How did you get into this? A detailed answer of my personal synchronistic Journey with Sound
So often after someone’s first session, they ask what sounded like wind, rain or the ocean (sea drum from Meinl!) then they also often tend to ask, “How did you get into this? How did you get started?” It is a fairly lengthy, beautiful, mystical and (in my opinion) destined story that I will break into a series of writings. Firstly, how I got into this and secondly how I got started and thirdly will be chosen by the wind! Spirit deserves the justice of having it all spelled out as she has spelled it all out for me.
It all began a decade ago. My dad’s co-worker, knowing my openness to spirituality, had invited me to a 2-hour blind-folded gong bath in a tight acoustical space filled with with these portals in all sizes. A certain Mitch Nur ((Remember this name!)), world-renowned + (amazingly) local ethnomusicologist was leading this event. I ecstatically accepted the invitation and so it all began. That experience alone ripped my conceptual reality and consciousness to depths beyond measure and immediate understanding. It had to unfold and so it did.
My next exposure to the potency of Sound was during a Tibetan Buddhist monk invocation chant for one of their sand mandala creations. This troupe of monks came from His Holiness the Dalai Lama XIV monastery outside Tibet known as Drepung Gomang Monastery in Northern India. They would tour, sell their wares and primarily create before your eyes an intricate, elaborate and stunning mandala, or visual representation of a facet within a Tibetan universe, from memory. Mind-blowing. When they were finished, they would ceremoniously destroy the sand mandala, distribute the sand among the people and take the rest to a flowing stream with prayers of peace for all. Such a powerful statement and prayer of impermanence. The monks would chant before beginning or starting a new day with their creation. I was following this certain troupe all over Pennsylvania for half of a year. One night in Bucks County, I attended an event where they chanted for 45 minutes. Giving you a snapshot of my life: I was in a sad-excuse-of-a-relationship, totally sifting between my fingers like sand itself and beginning my life as a new nurse, which is very much a floundering experience of toxic feelings of doubt and incompetence. It was a rough patch! I was hollowed out and open, ready for any sort of this spirit medicine and wisdom to absorb and penetrate my core. After receiving this, relatively, brief interval of full-fledged guttural chanting and instrumentation, I remember driving to my parents house (I was on my own by then) and sobbing uncontrollably in their arms for at least that same amount of time. Their prayers, medicine and magic in Tibetan tongue had seeped well into my marrow and re-circuited my energy, purging of the unnecessary, letting go of all of the grief, pain and suffering I was harboring within. Needless to say, the relationship and (eventually) my nursing career both fell apart in exchange for living a much more meaningful, authentic life. What a tremendous blessing it has been. It is, obviously, unforgettable how cathartic this experience was for me on all levels and “only from” the collective human voice with divine intention. I am FOREVER grateful to the Tibetan Buddhist monks for so many reasons, which would require another blog alone to give my due respects to their high offerings.
The last experience, which began in a similar timeframe, is ongoing to the present. A dear friend of mine, whom I met through the yoga studio that first hosted and introduced me to these monks, was also trained by this Mitch Nur to facilitate sound therapy. When I was in nursing, I began receiving monthly private soundbath sessions to deeply relieve stress, optimize my energy levels, improve sleep and overall tend to my wellbeing. Effortless peace, calm, diminished anxiety and more were mine for weeks after! Truly the greatest gift and holistic healthcare modality as antidote for the absurd demands on modern nursing. By this point in my life (my early-to-mid-twenties) as a yearly committed camper of Philadelphia Folk Fest and general lover of music, I had been to so many enchanting, enlivening and invigorating shows and never put together why I felt so good the next day! It never dawned on me how seriously potent and beneficial the INTENTIONAL vibrations of these shows (and my friend’s magical sessions) were to the spiritual, mental, emotional and even physical level. There was something to this modality of sound therapy that really held me together in my monthly routines. The unconditional love and spirited intention felt from my friend was an integral piece of this, which is why it is so important to discern with whom you open your energy and again, that is another blog altogether.
These moments, as humbly as I can verbally depict them as a Spirit-devoted human, are how I got into this. How I got started is a whole other exquisite tapestry, evidenced and informed by the divine inspiration and love of Spirit. That will be my actual next blog post. Thank you for your interest and investing time into reading about what opened me to the power of Sound.