Phylloxenia:The Guide to Exceptional Facilitating, Hosting, Holding Space

True friendship can happen in a moment.

I had a dream that I was in Crete, Greece.  Two days later, I had my flights for about a month out.  Deeply I knew the reason behind this visit was because of the exceptional hospitality for which the island is known.  That, and a place for restoration and rejuvenation with a seaview and access to fresh delicious fish dishes (a mouth full in every sense)!

By and large, the encounters I experienced were of deep holding.  When I was on my way out of Heraklion, flying from Crete to Athens, I stopped at a bakery in town and bought a pistachio pastry.  The friendly man behind the counter gifted me focaccia bread, saying “here, give this a try!”  It saved me through the delayed flight and long journey into Athens after a full day’s transition from seaview to hostel.

When I returned home, one of my Greek connections asked about my experience.  When I told her how supportive the locals were, she told me Cretans are widely known for phylloxenia, or being a friend to the unknown.  Funnily enough, one of my 3 main email addresses I have had my entire life was “not_xenophobic”, meaning no fear of strangers.  This term, phylloxenia, matched my graduated understanding of how to meet people in life: through trusting friendship.

There was one experience there that was the complete opposite of phylloxenia and, ironically (probably not), also related to my service.  I had scheduled a private soundbath session with a woman in a village nearby.  She sent me the coordinates to put in my Google Maps.  I told her that my arrival was around 4:30 and that my phone did not have an international plan so I would not be able to contact her when I arrived.  Lo and behold, the village was built into one of the iconic and wild mountainsides of Crete.  After attempting to navigate to the address, it stopped me at this rocky road that was clearly not leading to a home.  Fearing for my car rental, I parked down at the flat part of the village and walked up, trying to find this location.  I saw a couple of locals whom knew as many words English as I knew Greek.  They did their best to help me, particularly the woman, whom exemplified phylloxenia, asked different neighbors for the person’s name, etc.  Eventually she stopped a man in a car and it turned out he was her neighbor.  The time I had arrived was 5:10.  She never went outside to see if I was there.  When I told her about the GPS, she said “oh I don’t know why it does that.  It is only two roads to get here.”  She openly admitted to knowing about it and neglected to inform me leading up to the time.  Not only this, she shortened the session by 15 minutes, which would have been fine if she had communicated to me directly that she had to.

It was clear to me from the start I would be incapable of winding down and feeling less stressed because the person I was with did not feel like a person around whom I could safely surrender.  This is simply because she lacked any sort of concern for my general wellbeing as a fellow human.

It takes so little to genuinely make someone feel safe, cared for and attended to.  It is absolutely necessary to build this foundation or hold an innate connection with your facilitator in order to feel comfortable enough to fully let go and relax to deep states “under their care”.  This is the base of all facilitative interactions.

Both the friendly young man at the coffeeshop (among the many, many other very hospitable people of Crete) and the negligent “sound massage” practitioner left a deep impact on me.  It shows how meaningful and impacting our interactions are and how they can effect us beyond the immediate moment.  It also shows that we are continually hosting or holding space whenever we encounter or invite someone into our presence.  How we show up matters.

Being a friend to the unknown is a constant commitment to having trust and faith in man and Spirit, God, Creator, Higher Power, Universe, however you conceive the beyond.  It is a choice to routinely be of service for the greater good of your fellow man.  It is true medicine to give and receive in what can be a very disconnected modern world.